Well, this is it, my last few hours of maternity leave... tomorrow I return to work and leave my newest little sweetheart with strangers. This has got to be one of the hardest days of motherhood.
Even though I know this is going to hurt and be really hard, I also know in my heart that it is the right thing to do. I know that my career is a part of me - an essential part. As much I may not like to admit it some days, I know that in order to be the best mom I can be, I need to get away from my girls and work. I need it for reasons that I can't really explain. And so, we come to this moment. When I need to entrust my child to someone I barely know and believe that they will be a positive influence on their upbringing. It helps that I have been here before with H - I've seen how she has grown and learned in her 3 short years and I know that I probably wouldn't have been able to provide her with the same kind of opportunity that she currently has by attending a day care. She's learning valuable social skills in addition to all the "smarts" stuff she needs to know. I'm proud of her and the little girl she is and the young lady and woman she will become. And I want those same things for L.
But none of that really makes it any easier. I am dreading that heart-wrenching moment when I put L in someone else's arms and turn to leave. I don't know if I should hope for tears (she's gonna miss her mommmy-yay!) or an easy good-bye (it makes me feel less guilty in a way). With H it was tears and wailing (from both of us) that I could hear all the way down the hall to the door. I almost turned back to get her... don't know what I would have done afterwards, all I knew was that my child was majorly upset and I needed to go and fix it. I remember crying on the way to work wondering how I was ever going to manage this. But we made it through and now I get to do it again.
And even though I've been here before, I am still filled with that impending guilt, the anxiety, the anticipation, the doubt. I have no idea how it will go tomorrow. In these 12 very short weeks, I have already seen how very different H and L are. Two girls with the same parents, in the same house, being raised the same way, and already very different personalities and quirks. L is much more laid-back - she fusses less, she seems more tolerant of her surroundings, she's often quiet and observant. So maybe tomorrow won't be as hard for her as it was for H. But I think it will still be just as hard for me.
Nursery Furniture
So we needed some furniture for the nursery - dressers mostly, we have a crib from when H was a babe. Do you know how exhausting furniture shopping is? Ugh... sales people that trail you like a lost puppy and huge stores full of too many options. Not to mention that we had a 2yr old - so either find a babysitter so you can wander around a store looking to drop big bucks on something that will probably be destroyed within the next 5 years, or take her with and have the destruction start before you even buy it. That's if you can even look at stuff in between trying to keep her entertained during this boring activity and chasing her around the obstacle course of a furniture store where kids can fit into areas I couldn't dream of squeezing into! Although I will say that bringing a toddler to the store gives you an iron-clad excuse to quickly ditch those sales folks - most don't stick around to yack your ears off trying to "connect" with you so that you'll buy from them if there is a rowdy little person continually trying to run off or butt into the conversation with nonsensical toddler-speak or screeches that piece eardrums 6 counties over.
But I digress... so anyways, after stopping at countless stores, we couldn't agree on anything except a set of furniture for our room! Not the purpose of our multiple trips, but it was a great set at an unbelievable deal. So we bought it. And I felt guilty. Not for spending the money, nope for buying furniture for ourselves instead of our new little one. Because not only was she not getting nice new furniture (like her older sister had gotten), but she was getting our hand-me-down furniture which I hated (2 sets of furniture, no matter how great the deal, did not fit into our budget). Here's a before shot (well really a during shot as some of the knobs have already been removed, but you get the idea):
Yep, ugly green and brown and to make matters worse it originally belonged to the hubby's ex. Yep, I lived with the furniture of my husband's ex-wife for about 4 years in our bedroom... does that qualify me for sainthood?
So the compromise to the whole guilt-inducing situation was to paint the old stuff and make it look and feel new:
Not bad huh? :) Now this I could live with. Most days I even forget what it was before. In the end we kept only this dresser as the tall chest was way too tippy for me feel safe putting in a kids room. The intent was to do some built-ins around the window, but wow the cost and time and effort were all much more than I was anticipating... so we may be on the lookout for a second dresser soon. I'm thinking a thrift-store or craigslist find could suffice for now (with more paint and new hardware again of course). Especially considering the outcome of this one. I really do like it and it adds a nice clean feel to the nursery (of which I hope to have officially finished soon!). :)
But I digress... so anyways, after stopping at countless stores, we couldn't agree on anything except a set of furniture for our room! Not the purpose of our multiple trips, but it was a great set at an unbelievable deal. So we bought it. And I felt guilty. Not for spending the money, nope for buying furniture for ourselves instead of our new little one. Because not only was she not getting nice new furniture (like her older sister had gotten), but she was getting our hand-me-down furniture which I hated (2 sets of furniture, no matter how great the deal, did not fit into our budget). Here's a before shot (well really a during shot as some of the knobs have already been removed, but you get the idea):
Yep, ugly green and brown and to make matters worse it originally belonged to the hubby's ex. Yep, I lived with the furniture of my husband's ex-wife for about 4 years in our bedroom... does that qualify me for sainthood?
So the compromise to the whole guilt-inducing situation was to paint the old stuff and make it look and feel new:
Not bad huh? :) Now this I could live with. Most days I even forget what it was before. In the end we kept only this dresser as the tall chest was way too tippy for me feel safe putting in a kids room. The intent was to do some built-ins around the window, but wow the cost and time and effort were all much more than I was anticipating... so we may be on the lookout for a second dresser soon. I'm thinking a thrift-store or craigslist find could suffice for now (with more paint and new hardware again of course). Especially considering the outcome of this one. I really do like it and it adds a nice clean feel to the nursery (of which I hope to have officially finished soon!). :)
Pinterest Project - Hair Bow Holder
Finally got to do a project I saw on Pinterest that I've had my eye on for a couple of months. :) It was a hair bow holder that someone had listed on Etsy for $50! I knew I could make one cheaper than that - and in fact I made 2 for about 1/5th of the price! So now I have one for each of my daughters. :)
First, I found a couple of cheapy frames at my local Goodwill, brought them home, removed and tossed the glass piece, and sanded them down (so that the paint would stick better).
Then I painted them with acrylic paints from Michael's. Each frame took about 5 thin coats of paint to fully cover, but I still have almost a full bottle of each paint color left. After the paint was dry, I put 2 coats of a glossy sealer on each (found at Michael's right by the acrylic paints) so that they had a nice shiny finish to them.
Next, I cut a piece of cardboard (old cereal box or a shipping box works) to size to fit into the frame and covered it with fabric. I got a couple of fat quarters for quilting from JoAnne's for a reasonable price and still have fabric left over from each. I used a temporary spray adhesive to tack the fabric to the cardboard and then wrapped it around to the back and tacked it with some general craft glue I had on hand.
After that dried, I added the ribbon. I simply wrapped it around the fabric covered board and again glued it down in the back. I wrapped these fairly taunt and didn't leave much slack on the front - I didn't want them to hang loose once I started to add the hair bows on later.
Then, just pop the cardboard piece into the frame, put the back peice back on, add your bows and, viola, done! And for a lot cheaper than the one online!
Here's the cost breakdown:
- Frames (Goodwill) = $0.99 each
- Paint (Michael's) = $1.25 each
- Glossy Sealer (Michael's) = $1.25
- Foam Brushes (Michael's) = $0.10 each (used 3)
- Fabric (JoAnne's) = $1.99 each
- Ribbon (Michael's) = $0.99 each spool (used a small portion of 3 spools)
Time wise you could probably finish these in an afternoon easily - I of course dragged it out over the course of a couple of weeks trying to squeeze it in around everything else going on around here! :)
First, I found a couple of cheapy frames at my local Goodwill, brought them home, removed and tossed the glass piece, and sanded them down (so that the paint would stick better).
Then I painted them with acrylic paints from Michael's. Each frame took about 5 thin coats of paint to fully cover, but I still have almost a full bottle of each paint color left. After the paint was dry, I put 2 coats of a glossy sealer on each (found at Michael's right by the acrylic paints) so that they had a nice shiny finish to them.
Next, I cut a piece of cardboard (old cereal box or a shipping box works) to size to fit into the frame and covered it with fabric. I got a couple of fat quarters for quilting from JoAnne's for a reasonable price and still have fabric left over from each. I used a temporary spray adhesive to tack the fabric to the cardboard and then wrapped it around to the back and tacked it with some general craft glue I had on hand.
After that dried, I added the ribbon. I simply wrapped it around the fabric covered board and again glued it down in the back. I wrapped these fairly taunt and didn't leave much slack on the front - I didn't want them to hang loose once I started to add the hair bows on later.
Then, just pop the cardboard piece into the frame, put the back peice back on, add your bows and, viola, done! And for a lot cheaper than the one online!
Here's the cost breakdown:
- Frames (Goodwill) = $0.99 each
- Paint (Michael's) = $1.25 each
- Glossy Sealer (Michael's) = $1.25
- Foam Brushes (Michael's) = $0.10 each (used 3)
- Fabric (JoAnne's) = $1.99 each
- Ribbon (Michael's) = $0.99 each spool (used a small portion of 3 spools)
Time wise you could probably finish these in an afternoon easily - I of course dragged it out over the course of a couple of weeks trying to squeeze it in around everything else going on around here! :)
Pinterest and L
So I've become addicted to Pinterest... it's been an awesome way to find cool new ideas for baking, crafting, decorating, and things for L.
One of the cool ideas I discovered via Pinterest was sensory boxes. It looked like the perfect thing for L. So today, I made our first sensory box!
We started very simple - about 5 lbs of oatmeal/quick oats, a $1 package of glow-in-the-dark butterfly "things", some plastic easter eggs, and a couple of toddler cups. As soon as I brought it out, L couldn't wait to start exploring. At first, she just wanted to pull the eggs out and run off with them. I had to get the ball rolling by showing her it was ok to play in. I told her it was like the sandbox at daycare but for inside play and started to fill the eggs with the oats, pouring the oats from one cup to the other, and burying the butterflies in the oats. She caught onto the concept pretty quick and then I just let her lead me in play.
After we got going, it kept her attention for 30 minutes before mommy called bedtime (and she definitely wanted to keep going). I think we're on to something here...
Couple of things to note:
1 - this activity is not for "clean-freak" mommies. At least not until you get your child "trained" to keep the filler in the box (we're still working on this part, no biggie, I own a broom and a vacuum :)). It helped to have her sit on the lid so that any spills were easy to just dump back in once we were done.
2 - no need to spend big bucks on this... this one was less than $15. I had to buy the box, the oatmeal, and the butterflies - everything else we had on hand already.
3 - you are only limited by your imagination. There are so many ideas out there to jump start your creativity! I have plans to do a bunch of these, or at least rotate them every so often so that I can reuse the box itself.
4 - I would recommend starting with edible filler - hence the oatmeal. L will still "taste-test" things every so often, so I started with something that was safe to taste.
5 - have fun!! :)
One of the cool ideas I discovered via Pinterest was sensory boxes. It looked like the perfect thing for L. So today, I made our first sensory box!
We started very simple - about 5 lbs of oatmeal/quick oats, a $1 package of glow-in-the-dark butterfly "things", some plastic easter eggs, and a couple of toddler cups. As soon as I brought it out, L couldn't wait to start exploring. At first, she just wanted to pull the eggs out and run off with them. I had to get the ball rolling by showing her it was ok to play in. I told her it was like the sandbox at daycare but for inside play and started to fill the eggs with the oats, pouring the oats from one cup to the other, and burying the butterflies in the oats. She caught onto the concept pretty quick and then I just let her lead me in play.
After we got going, it kept her attention for 30 minutes before mommy called bedtime (and she definitely wanted to keep going). I think we're on to something here...
Couple of things to note:
1 - this activity is not for "clean-freak" mommies. At least not until you get your child "trained" to keep the filler in the box (we're still working on this part, no biggie, I own a broom and a vacuum :)). It helped to have her sit on the lid so that any spills were easy to just dump back in once we were done.
2 - no need to spend big bucks on this... this one was less than $15. I had to buy the box, the oatmeal, and the butterflies - everything else we had on hand already.
3 - you are only limited by your imagination. There are so many ideas out there to jump start your creativity! I have plans to do a bunch of these, or at least rotate them every so often so that I can reuse the box itself.
4 - I would recommend starting with edible filler - hence the oatmeal. L will still "taste-test" things every so often, so I started with something that was safe to taste.
5 - have fun!! :)
Break my heart...
We have been fully weaned for about 3 weeks now and have been doing great. It was actually a very smooth weaning... until today when L saw breast and decided she really wanted some. And proceeded to cry when mommy told her "no more, all gone." Which just about made me cry too. :(
Weaning
Today is the first day I won't be taking my pump to work with me... after carrying it to and from work every day for the past 9 months. And yesterday was the first day in 9 months that I didn't pump at work. L and I are officially weaning. The closer we got to the one year mark, the more apprehension I felt about taking it away from her. But she is definitely ready - feeding time has become... well, difficult. She's hungry, but doesn't want to stop long enough to actually sit down and breastfeed. So the last couple of days has been on-and-off-and-on-again feedings, if I can get her to even come sit in my lap to begin the process. :) Yep, L is a mover and shaker and doesn't have time for mom's boobs anymore. So, knowing that we are both ready makes it a lot easier. But I am still going to miss it just a little bit...
Uh oh...
I think J and I are going to need some running shoes soon! Yep, little L is standing unsupported and has begun trying to take her first unassisted step. Last night, she was standing and she lifted her foot and started to take that first step, but plopped on her butt instead. But know our determined little girl, she will keep trying until she gets it! So lookout world (well everything within her reach at least), here she comes!!
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